You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
