i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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