You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
