so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
