I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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