is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
