My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
