similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
