there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He has the fingertips of a God
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