hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
