at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
