I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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