I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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