Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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