gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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