You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
