Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
