you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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