Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
