i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
