I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
