do herpes really smell.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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