OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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