My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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