What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
