i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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