apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
