i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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