Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
