i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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