Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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