God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He did a backflip because drugs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
