You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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