He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I AM VODKA MAN
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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