So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
