Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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