Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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