and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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