yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
