There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
