You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want her autograph on my taint
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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