Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
