Please, let me fuck your mom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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