I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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