i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
