but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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