new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
