hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
