The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
