New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
