Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
