my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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