also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
