There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
