my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
