Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
