Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
high people should be assigned attendants
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
